A New Perspective

A couple of weeks before I left for Ghana, a friend of mine texted me a picture of a page from a book she was reading called Tribe, by Sebastian Junger. On that page Junger was talking about how common it is for Peace Corps Volunteers to experience PTSD. Having read many blogs and online forums that echoed this idea, it wasn't particularly surprising to me, but seeing it formally written down in such a popular book really made it sink in. And I’m so glad that it did. I think preparing from Day 1 for my reintegration enabled me to experience very few of the typical adverse effects of coming home.

In fact, the first few weeks home I would have told you I snapped right back into things without missing a beat. But having had some space and time to think, I’m not sure that’s exactly true. Because while I gained a deeper appreciation for the comparable strengths of Western civilization and culture – equality, justice, secularism, hard work – I also grew more impatient with its flaws. For example, when traveling through any major airport it’s impossible not to notice the gigantic billboards all around you, usually portraying some obviously photoshopped celebrity in a glamorous setting specifically designed to capture our attention and ignite our imagination. They play on some of the worst innate characteristics of humans, especially those living in the west. This wicked dream embedded deep within us of unrealistic happiness that can be achieved only through owning material goods; a happiness forever unrealized even by the wealthiest among us. And these images disturbed my consciousness and terrorized my subconsciousness. I was so happy to be home that I tried to not think about them but they were towering representations of some of our worst flaws and our deepest moral failings that they were impossible to ignore.

At risk of being misunderstood, I’m not saying accumulating wealth bothers me. Making money is important and making more of it is better. In fact, I believe the US economy remaining strong on the tenants of capitalism and the pursuit of personal economic success is extremely important to worldwide development initiatives. What I’ve struggled with is the unnecessary spending of money in the name of appearance and status. An individual who loves cars and who can afford one might buy a sports car for the personal value gained from the purchase. However, too many people buy an expensive car because they believe owning one is the next step in life progression. That because they can afford it (or as is often the case, can’t afford it) they should buy it. It's hard to say whether the gaudy airport ads are influencing behavior or it's the other way around, but either way we should agree that this is an unhealthy aspect of our culture.

The other thing that I’ve struggled with since returning is a little unrelated. In a world where everyone agrees that Russian trolling and social media manipulation on both sides is an accepted reality, where fake news is a legitimate concern while (at the same time) verified facts have never been easier to obtain, and where political and social problems have never been so knowingly complex and intricate, people seem quicker to spew misleading, one-sided and downright wrong information than ever. The amount of biased Facebook posts, terrible political takes and malicious attitudes towards alternative points of view I’ve seen and heard is enough to drive me mad. There is absolutely nothing wrong with discussing these topics in the company of people who are thoughtful and caring and humble, but it’s almost never done the right way.

I get it. If you hate President Trump it can be difficult to temper your disdain. And if you love him it can be hard not to get emotional in his defense. But it’s never been so important to be calm, calculated and honest with your words. There is some hypocrisy here because I've never been a perfect representation of these ideals, but I do strive towards them and I'd like to think I'm getting better every day.

As I've learned to treat these conversations differently, I've learned some valuable lessons I'd like to share for those who wish to engage in difficult conversations.

• If you think something to is true, don’t state it as a certainty. If you’re stating an opinion, be clear that’s what it is.

• Always fact-check and cite your sources in the moment if you’re able or do so later and deliberately correct the record when you're wrong.

• Repeat the view of the person you disagree with back to them in your own words for their approval to be sure you don’t straw man their position. If you can't accurately portray the view of the person you disagree with, then you're not ready to respond to them in any meaningful way.

• If you’re listening to an alternate point of view, don’t assume you know their entire position - ask questions to clarify points, especially at points of disagreement. For example, if someone says they don’t think something is true and you disagree, don’t get angry. Ask how we could measure if it’s true or not. Ask what evidence matters to them in making this judgement. Ask how they got that information and if they’re open to other sources.

• If becomes clear they’re dismissive of alternative points of view, don’t get into an argument. It means they’re not open to changing their mind so it is not worth potentially getting upset and frustrated.

• And this is the biggest one: Don’t judge a person’s entire character on their political or social views. In my opinion, this kind of attitude is destroying us. By all means, engage in civil conversation, respectfully point out why you disagree, and fight for what you believe in. But don't look down on others or judge a person's entire self worth because he/she has a different world view, however much you may disagree with it.

As I’ve grappled with these feelings and thoughts over the last few months, I’ve settled into a broader acceptance of all aspects of our culture. My attitudes about what is wrong with it hasn’t changed but my patience for it has grown. I’ve become more comfortable ignoring the unpleasant noise, sotospeak. I'm comforted knowing how many people have expressed similar views since I've returned home and how positively most people have engaged with me about these ideas. The one amazing thing about our culture is how much people care about improving it so I know with more dialogue and time, we'll continue to move in the right direction.